Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Bioniccat

There have been lost of fun things done with cats lately like Action Cats and Laser Cats 1 and 2. Personally I like beating cats with a tire iron.

Here's one that came from an unlikely source. It's a website called stuffonmycat.com Here you'll find a plethora of nauseating images depicting cats with various objects on or above them. Great if you like cats.

There's few things I hate more than cats. To start, I'm allergic to them. Also, they are cold unfeeling morons that do little for society beyond the spreading of disease.

Maybe that's a little harsh. Cats probably have some good attributes. They seem pretty tolerant to people putting stuff on them.

But come on.

Who wants an animal that craps in a box in the corner of the laundry room?

Carzy people, that's who.

Everybody's known the crazy cat lady (get the action figure here)

Have you ever heard of the crazy dog guy?

No.

I say, if you can't use the can, take it outside.

And if if you have a cat, don't come near me when I'm fixing a flat.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bacteria will suffer in silence no more.



For over a century now we've thought of bacteria as asocial, single celled organisms. Loners, renegades, rebelling against the oppression of "the man."

It turns out they are far from asocial. They talk with their own species in a special chemical language only they can comprehend. They are even multilingual, talking in a universal language that all bacteria can understand.

So what's the point?

Revenge. When a few bacteria enter the body, they eat and grow, multiplying and releasing small amounts of the harmless communication molecules. When these molecules are at significant concentration the bacteria grab hold of them and that signals the community to change behavior, or attack.

That's when they start releasing toxins which are the source of the sore throat, runny nose, or even open sores on your "special purpose."

If they were to start releasing these toxins immediately, the human immune system would bust the door down and kick them in the throat.

But by waiting until their numbers are high enough to fend off the Federalli, they can successfully remain long enough to waste a few of your vacation days, and probably a few bucks to see the doctor and get some medicinal help.

Now scientist are working on ways to mess with the communication of bacteria.

One option is to make them silent so they become harmless, multiplying and never releasing their toxins.

The other is to make them talk all the time thus releasing their toxins while at lower concentrations making them an easy target for the troops.

It's only a matter of time before we see bacteria rights group protesting single cell freedom of speech.

For the whole story [Click Here]

Monday, January 22, 2007

Better than the pet rock

JOIN OUR POLYGAMIST CULT!

FIND OUT HOW TO GET A FREE PLASMA TV!

1 WEEK TO A LARGER SCHLONG!

WORK FROM HOME AND MAKE $15,000 A MONTH WORKING ONLY 2-3 HOURS A DAY!

When we see things like these, we immediately think scam.
It's amazing that stuff like this still makes it through all the spam filters (which are about as resilient as the proverbial wet paper bag)

There are many different ways of parting man and his money. While most are nothing less than shady, a few of them tend to take advantage of us in a way we simply cannot resist.

The pet rock was one of those, and although I never really cared for it, I can still understand how the creator Gary Dahl made all that money.

Here's another one I stumbled across recently while trying to find images of cuckoo clocks.
(somebody explain that one to me)

My first thought was, it's brilliant.

Not only is it somewhat true and pretty clever, it also has the capacity for an insane profit margin.

If only I'd thought of it. I'd no longer have to burn my house down to collect the insurance money.


Monday, January 08, 2007

THE BARRY BONDS OF TRENCHERS


If you hadn't figured it out from the title, this trenchers is most definitely on steroids. It's been crowned the biggest moving machine ever, which is quite a feat, considering it was built almost 30 years ago.


Bagger 288 as it was affectionately named, was built by the German company Krupp in 1978. Weighing in at 50,155 tons (or 100,310,329 lbs), 705 feet long and 312 feet high this behemoth is capable of moving on it s treads from one open-air mine to another without any disassembling.

With out any disassembling of the trencher that is. In 2001 it was moved across 22 km of fields, railroad crossings and, villages and countryside. Because it's unable to move around obstacles, workers had to prepare the way by piling up cushions on top of highways and train tracks, removing power lines and seeding the fields with special grass that would withstand the ├╝ber–pounding that they were sure to take.

At full steam the Bagger 288 is capable of chewing 2.7 million cubic feet of coal, rock and earth per day and the occasional stray bulldozer.





If I ever get my hands on one of these, I'll definitely put an end to those infernal power-rangers.
all the specs [here]

Friday, January 05, 2007

TONS OF FUN!

Sadly, the world isn't adequately set up for obese. This callus society we live in hardly accommodates the wheelchair bound, much less those of us that are pushing 4 bills and up. I came across a collection of products / services the other day that prove that the public really does care.

Whether they care about the plus sized community or just making money. I'll leave up to you.

THE GREAT JOHN TOILET

This bloated hunk of porcelain is truly a toilet in every meaning of the word.

Don't be fooled though, This one has and extra wide base to prevent tipping (yikes) and a reinforced structure that can support up to 2,000 lbs. The seat is also designed to have 150% more surface area and side wings to prevent pinching. If you're not sure how this compaires to the standard toilets at your nearest train station, here's an Illustration. Enjoy!


BOTTOM BUDDY


Yet another Bathroom innovation, the bottom buddy, assist in doing the dirty work that, for some people, is just out of reach. Enough said.
SEAT GURU

Here's a website that'll assist you in finding the most comfortable seat on most airlines. Chose an airline, chose a plane and it'll show you which seats have the most room and which ones will recline etc. You don't have to be a big bruiser to benefit from this site.
PERSONAL AIRLINE SEATBELT EXTENDER


Avoid the embarrassment of asking the flight attendant for a seatbelt extension and bring your own. It's sure to fit most plus sized folk and it's FAA tested and approved. Should any one question it's validity, the seatbelt extender also comes with an authentication card.


15 POUND BERGER



Maybe you've given up the quest for six-pack abs and buns of steel. And why shouldn't you? (besides all the diseases and health risks associated with obesity)

To indulge your plus-sized hunger you needn't look further than Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania and their Beer Barrel Belly Blaster. It's got 10 pounds of meat formed into a 20 inch patty on a 17 inch bun. Fixings include 25 slices of cheese , a head of lettuce, and a whole lot more, for $30.

HOW BIG IS BIG ENOUGH


You'd never really know if you left it up to the scale in Grandmas bathroom. You need the Siltec Model WS1000 heavy duty electronic platform scale. Capable of weighing mammals up to a half ton, its 15 X 15 inch platform is plenty big. You won't need to be able to see your feet to see how much you weigh either, thanks to a portable display that comes equiped with state of the art hi-tensile double stick tape.

PIMP MY RIDE



Hospitals these days are stocking their halls with oversized wheelchairs. The Sentra EC Extra-Large Wheelchair has a 24 inch seat width and the capacity to hold 450 pounds of patient.

REST (COMFORTABLY) IN PEACE


There's nothing Funny about this product. Obesity is a disease and not an issue of morals or will power. Should this disease take it's toll though, there is a company that specializes in making arrangements that that can accommodate most any waistline. Goliath Casket Inc is one of the biggest dealers (no pun intended) specializing in 20-gauge steel caskets that are the size of a large Jacuzzi.