Thursday, June 29, 2006

Are your balls big enough?

Are you ready for a new extreme sport? Yeah Right! You could never be ready for an extreme sport this…well…extreme. This sport is so bad-ass it makes sky diving, skateboarding and mountain climbing seem as exciting and dangerous as balloon sculpting. If you're one of those "down for whatever," "living on the edge," kind of guys, you need to try out this psycho-crazy sport. But do you have big enough balls for "Extreme Hammocking?"

This guy's pulling off a tight "crounched-eagle-backflip."

Here's a classic "Lazybones" over the clinic stairs. He's definitely trespassing!

Here comes Johnny Law! Better bolt dude!

If you're thinking about trying out your wicked skills, don't try this! This guy's a pro. He's attempting one of the hardest tricks known only as "Bloody Rails."

Can you say AIR? This guy's tearing up the streets. Have you ever seen a skateboarder do any trick with 35 ft of air?

This Bro is totally wreck'in the bridge with an "Inverted Sleepy Camper!"

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Another Amphibious car

What is the world coming to? Not only is there a company making busses and cars that can drive in water, but there is actually competition for your business as potential water–car buyers. This is a video from yet another amphibious car company. More info at

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Beggars can be choosers.

The last few mornings as I ride into work on the bus I've noticed a popular place for beggars to hang out. I also noticed that it's rarely the same guy as the day before.

That got me pondering the social etiquette of the bum. Or maybe it would be business ethics of the bum. Either way, the questions started invading my head like ants when you leave a half eaten pizza on the couch all weekend.

So how do they decide who gets which spot to beg for the day? I assume it's a first come first serve type of deal, but there has to be some competition for the prime locations. What happens if two bums get there at the same time? Do they play rock–paper–scissors? Best 2 out of 3? Maybe there's a sign up list under the Mississippi river bridge.

To keep the homeless guys from making each other toothless too, we as a society should put together a code or statute to govern these affairs.

Here's what I propose:

1. All locations will be assessed for their profitability and given a rank according to average daily earnings.
Tier 1: $0–$2.35
Tier 2: $2.35–$5.35
Tier 3: $5.35 and up
2. All locations will be given a number and a lottery draw system will be established.
3. No Bum can have a tier 3 location more than 2 days in a row.
4. Bums must pay an 18% tax on all earnings and 65% tax on all earnings above the daily average for that location to pay for the administrative positions needed to run such a system.

The daddle

With fathers day just around the corner excitement is in the air. So what does every father want on this joyous occasion?
To be ridden like Dusty the wild stag.

Enter the Daddle–a "Saddle for Dad." Complete with adjustable stirrups and soft padded saddle horn for little Jimmy's comfort. And for Dad's comfort there's little more than some flimsy knee pads (they call them horse shoes for humans) that are sold separately.

Sold for just under $50, this is sure to catch on with rich little brats who already control their parents in every way and now seek to physically dominate them.

Available at
Also make sure to check out their Bedroom Slippers for horses. Apparently horses hooves get cold when they get out of bed in the morning too.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Magic School Bus– almost

No visit to the Great Lakes Aquarium could be complete without driving through one of them on your way there. Before the HYDRA-TERRA made by Cool Amphibious Manufacturers International (CAMI), doing so usually resulted in having to drag the harbor for bodies.

This boat… er… bus could even be used for search and rescue of the aforementioned field trip participants.

They've mastered water. Now they have to find a way to make it travel into the human body and around the bloodstream.
I think I should start a business providing a place for people to take magic bus tours.

I could charge them at least five dollars to drive around in my sinuses. Then if that goes well I could expand and open my stomach and even my lower digestive system to those curious grade schoolers. Maybe make a nice picnic area for the kids in my pituitary gland.

I've heard the real money is in the merchandise, so I guess I'd have to open a gift shop in my belly button, as soon as it heals. But we'll see how things go.

The reproductive system is definitely off limits though. That's just sick.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Fun With Captions!

6 Patrons of the Pluck-N-Cluck Turkish Spa. Enjoy 5 star services such as hot oil baths, deep tissue flavor injections and the finest cavity stuffing in the business. Book now for a FREE PLUCKING!

I hope the doctor doesn't assume that just because I drove Nanna to the hospital means I'm responsible for putting the hamster up there.

The Main Showroom of Surplus Kidney Liquidaters. Call 1-800-555-6421 to find a store near you or log on to Great tax breaks for donators!