Thursday, June 15, 2006

Beggars can be choosers.

The last few mornings as I ride into work on the bus I've noticed a popular place for beggars to hang out. I also noticed that it's rarely the same guy as the day before.

That got me pondering the social etiquette of the bum. Or maybe it would be business ethics of the bum. Either way, the questions started invading my head like ants when you leave a half eaten pizza on the couch all weekend.

So how do they decide who gets which spot to beg for the day? I assume it's a first come first serve type of deal, but there has to be some competition for the prime locations. What happens if two bums get there at the same time? Do they play rock–paper–scissors? Best 2 out of 3? Maybe there's a sign up list under the Mississippi river bridge.

To keep the homeless guys from making each other toothless too, we as a society should put together a code or statute to govern these affairs.

Here's what I propose:

1. All locations will be assessed for their profitability and given a rank according to average daily earnings.
Tier 1: $0–$2.35
Tier 2: $2.35–$5.35
Tier 3: $5.35 and up
2. All locations will be given a number and a lottery draw system will be established.
3. No Bum can have a tier 3 location more than 2 days in a row.
4. Bums must pay an 18% tax on all earnings and 65% tax on all earnings above the daily average for that location to pay for the administrative positions needed to run such a system.

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