Some of us meat eaters can't help but feel a little guilt sometimes for being, well, meat eaters. We see all the studies on how unhealthy it is for us, and how we can live longer if we'd just ban the bologna. There's an awful lot of pressure to make the switch what with all the mad cow running amuck. There's studies that link eating cooked meat to cancer, heart disease, obesity, and even gingivitis. It's an argument so powerful that one in three americans are practicing vegetarianism today. Okay, I made that up, but one of my three friends is a semi-vegetarian. He only eats hot-dogs.
I say it's time to let the american people know they aren't alone. I say we look our fellow meatetarians in the face and lie like car salesmen, to reassure each other that it's okay to like meat. It's time we forget about the so-called facts and figures. I'm sure all those studies were probably funded by carrot farmers anyway. Let's resurrect the pro-meat propaganda.
Some of you might say I don't have platform to stand on. But who needs a platform to stand on when we are flying high on a blimp made of Salisbury steak, chicken fried chicken and only the finest cuts of shoulder pork.
Walk down a suburban grocery isle and you'll find at lest a dozen phony meat products made from hey and seaweed. It's only natural that other foods would want to be as tasty as sausage and hamburgers–not that they ever could–but have you ever seen a carrot substitute made of hamburger? Probably not. If you have, shoot me an e-mail and let me know where I can get some.
We should learn a lesson from these 1947 American Meat Institute posters. That lesson is that meat can't be beat. You don't even have to cook it. But if you do, make sure you grill it in butter and pineapple juice and then simmer it in barbecue sauce.
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