A Time To Kill

Today is mandatory anti-discrimination and sexual harassment training day at the office. In the spirit of the festivities, I present to you some of the most discriminating, and harassing "real" ads I've come across as of my 26 years of meticulous searching. 

Those who discriminate against discrimination may find something more suitable to their tender sensibilities here.

The year was 1953, and nothing would send the average mild-mannered husband into a fit of homicidal rage like his ball and chain missing the post. Again.

Also from 1953 is this: a cheap kick in the metaphorical balls of woman everywhere. With the Alcoa HyTop Closure, made of pure aluminum, you don't need your husband to open the ketchup any more. Hopefully he's got more redeeming qualities than the unwavering ability to open condiments. 

This ad, and others made into postcard format is available in book form here.

So what is this ad from 1946 trying to say? Women are indecisive, try to squeeze into things that are too small, worry about someone else wearing the same outfit, and then after they finally chose something to buy, they end up bringing it back anyway?

I can't imagine a more incorrect generalization. I mean, honestly. I don't know a single woman who does any of those thing let alone all four. That's just uncalled for. 

I'd like to make a sarcastic comment about this ad from 1961, but as I'm the one that does nearly all the cooking in my household, I feel compelled to keep my musings to myself and in doing so, secure my place in bed next to my wife for another day.  

Wait, is this a blonde joke or a woman joke? In 1970, I'm guessing both. 

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. If that's the way he'll react to you not "store testing" coffee, I can't imagine what he'll do when he finds out that the cat isn't really at your sisters, and paprika wasn't really the secret ingredient in your new meat-loaf recipe. 

Ironically, looking at this ad makes me feel like taking a shower... 

...alone, scaldingly hot and with a variety of harsh chemical detergents. 

Yes. Yes it is. But I thought Tiger-babes were on the endangered species list. Apparently not in 1970.

Wait... there's more. check out the copy:

Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn’t have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you’d like your own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks. Such as our new automatic wash wear blend of 65% “Dacron®” and 35% rayon–incomparably wrinkle-resistant. About $12.95 at plush-carpeted stores.

Well, now. Where might I get a pair of these?

Seriously? This got through? Nobody saw any reason why this might come across...well...ishy? Was R. Kelly the director of marketing at Love Cosmetics?

Consider this ad from the 1930's to be the great, great, great grandfather of the football-through-the-tire erectile dysfunction ad.